Then try to notice every time you feel annoyed, frustrated, or let down. First, set a timer to go off every hour on the hour and write down what you expected during the hour that has just passed. Take the inventory one step further by having a day dedicated to noticing your expectations. What do you want from work, family, home, and your money situation? What about leisure, spirituality, your social life? Sit down and write down what your expectations are from each area of your life, trying to be as honest as possible. Do you still place those same demands on yourself? Or have you possibly projectedthem onto others now, demanding from them what was once unfairly asked of from you? How do I know what my expectations are? It can be a worthwhile exercise to look at what your family still expects from you. You might have grown up, for example, with a parent who demanded the best from you and others or who had tantrums when things did not go their way. Why am I the sort to always set such high expectations? Unrealistic expectations can also be a sign of borderline personality disorder, where you have a very distorted idea of other people and what they have to offer. fear of change (if I focus on things going the way I want they won’t change).fear of failure (which can lead to setting yourself up to fail, unconsciously proving your fear valid).fear of intimacy (by expecting too much of others you have a perfect excuse to push them away). negative core beliefs (I have to be perfect to be loved, the world is dangerous so I need to be in control).low self-esteem (failing at what you expect confirms your low beliefs of yourself).High expectations often come connected to other issues, including: Psychological issues connected to high expectations And the high expectation that friends should be endlessly loyal can mean one person not calling you on your birthday can result in months of upset, even if you later find out they were sick with flu. For example, if you have the high expectation that things should always be easy and go your way in life, then something small like the train being two minutes late one morning can mean you show up at work in a funk that lasts all day. High expectations also dictate our response to the little things in life and our capacity to be resilient. The end result can be troubled relationships, intimacy issues, and loneliness. Worse, wanting certain things from others can blind you to what they actually can offer you. One of the main reasons cited? Lower expectations and more acceptance of the way things were.Īs for having high expectations from others, nobody lasts long on a pedestal without falling off. This leads to a mood-killing downward spiral of self-criticismand judgement that can result in depression and anxiety.Ī study on ageing by a sociologist at Chicago University found that happiness levels tended to rise rather than fall with old age. How do high expectations cause low moods?Īnd if you are living under the misguided notion that you actually control everything, every curve ball will leave you feeling to blame. We expect to meet someone who is six foot one, makes over fifty thousand a year, lives within a twenty minute drive of our front door, went to one of three universities, and likes to do yoga. The trouble is that most of us don’t expect good things, we expect exact outcomes. you often have feelings of resentment (a sign you expect too much from others)īut surely high expectations are a sign of confidence?Įxpecting good things from life is indeed a sign of self-worth.you suffer from guilt (a sign you expect too much of yourself).you live your life with a constant burning feeling of dissatisfaction, frustration, or even emptiness.you have thorough ‘checklists’ for your future – your future partner, career, house, etc.
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